I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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