there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
