You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
