I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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