Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The adults are the big ones right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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