yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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