I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
