1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
