no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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