I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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