Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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