Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
