She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
