Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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