They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
