I think I am morally bankrupt
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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