I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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