In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
