the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
