she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
