I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
