If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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