I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
