I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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