I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
