You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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