Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
