it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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