i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
