In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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