We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
