just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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