I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
