Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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