Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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