She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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