Don't make out with my wife yet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
