After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
