he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
