a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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