So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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