How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
