swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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