Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
