I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
