A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
