whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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