My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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