I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
