i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
