I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize