Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
