I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
