talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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