please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
