Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
