just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found puke in my bra..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
