Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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