we have officially mastered the walk of shame
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize