Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
