I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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