I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize