im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
