nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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