She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
