It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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