Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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