Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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