Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
