We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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