There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
