Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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