Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
