And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
