You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
